jeudi 6 novembre 2014

sensitive subject - Sujet sensible

For once I won't be posting fluff, and instead tell you about this obsession I have right now : I've been hospitalised twice already and these days I have an obsession with going back there. Not that I am glamourizing hospital, on the contrary, I really don't want to go. But I dream that a nurse is checking on me at night while I sleep, or that I get anxious because one can't open windows more than 10cm. I keep having flash-backs, despite the fact that I have very few memories of over there, because of my being heavily drugged and almost always sleeping. I keep remembering how my first roomate terrorized me, but that I refused to change room because oddly enough, she was my only social contact I had established there. I keep searching a good purse pattern, because I don't have a small cross body purse anymore and it's the only kind that you can wear all the time to keep your phone and moneypurse safe with you (as I don't smoke and can't give cigarettes, the only way I had found for others to tolerate me was offering them cofee from the vending machine from time to time). And I want to learn shuttle tatting because I remember I couldn't use needles out of the occupational therapy room. I wonder how I would be allowed a tiny steel crochet for the picots, though...
I'm able to cope with it, but it's like a smoke smell permeating everything in my life these days. Psych upped my med yesterday, so hopefully I will be get rid of this in a few days. Next appointment is in three weeks, I wonder how I will cope with that, though, it's too far away.

Cette fois-ci, pas de traduction française pour le moment.

1 commentaire:

  1. I imagine there is something comforting about being in the hospital and having lots of people looking after you. It must feel like a safe place, which we all need sometimes. Regarding shuttle tatting - I learned how to do it this year through a Craftsy class. It is very easy and calming. You can buy shuttles that have a little tiny crochet hook on the tip of them, hopefully the hospital would allow that. If not, there are lots of things you can make without a hook - I like to make simple butterflies. They make me smile. :)


Bonjour. Votre commentaire sera pris en compte dès que je pourrai le lire et le poster. Je suis obligée de lmodérer, c'est pour cela qu'ils n'apparaissent pas immédiatement, veuillez m'en excuser.

Hi. I'll read and post your comment as soon as I can get to it. I'm unfortunately under the obligation to moderate comments, that's why your comment won't appear right away on the page. I apologize for this.